bagasm

I had a bagasm when I finally saw my bag! I just knew the airline had lost it!

luglove

I was feeling some serious luglove when I finally saw my bag round the corner at baggage claim.

Bag bliss

When I saw my suitcase full of japanese sex toys come through the baggage claim, I was overwhelmed with bag bliss.

Pump Roulette

Only the gas station wins in pump roulette.

Double OCD

Margret stop wasting your time with your double ocd bullshit.

Nubbajack

I was trying to Nubbajack that shit

Trustache

That guys trustache really sold me on these boots.

the "Selleck-effect" or "Sellek"

"I just knew I could trust that guy. Must've been the Selleck-effect."

Tom Selleck has a great 'stash. Enough said.

Refail

"That woman just asked me where she could find the pregnancy tests. You can imagine how embarrassed we were after she found out I only work in refail."

clerked

I just got clerked at Walmarts.

Targeted

I made the mistake of wearing a red shirt to the store today, and some old biddy Targeted me to ask about hemorrhoid cream.

Monet

Nah man, if you go over there you'll ruin it. She's a total Monet.

Distance Appeal

I thought she was hot too, but she only has distance appeal

50-Yard Fakeout

"That girl looks good from far away, but is not good looking close up. The ol' 50-yard fakeout."

Dudes love rating girls, sports references, and alliteration.

Premature Resuscitation

"I prematurely resuscitated myself an hour before class and didn't know what to do with myself."

morning terrors

I woke up and was like, oh shit, I'm gonna get fired, but it was just a case of morning terrors.

Wake 'n Flake

I had the worst wake 'n flake this morning. I was half way dressed before I realized it was only 5:15.

idiot glory

"I left Jeff and Brad's apartment early last night. All they did that evening was swap stories about how they used to fool around with firecrackers and household cleaners back in middle school. I decided to hit the clubs and leave them to bask in their idiot glory."

Remember that time you took your father's riding mower over a homemade skateboard ramp? It was awesome then and somehow you managed to cheat death. Idiot glory fondly recalls those not-too-bright moments of cheap thrills.

nutstalgia

"When I think back to the number of times I nearly drowned I get all nutstalgic"

Nostalgia for something that was nuts

stuperman

"Then i nearly fell over backwards it was so light, felt like such a stuperman"

you feel like superman, but for a stupid reason

Weightshocked

"Dude, i thought the bag was full! I was totaly weightshocked when i picked it up.

Due to the fact you get a small scare when it's way lighter when the object is picked up.

Splashback

That poo was so big I cleaned my ass with the splash back.

flushroom cloud

"I dropped an s-bomb and it made quite the flushroom cloud"

A mushroom cloud appears after an explosion

Dirty Bidet

My poop dropped so hard, I recieved a dirty bidet.

Buffstration

Yo dogg, I'm hella buffstrated bcuz diz vid had hella thumnails n shit that align wit my interests.

Vidiwoe

Vidi from video, woe from.. well, woe

buffspension

Harry stared at the screen in total buffspension. Had Max really posted their most private sessions?