Heyman

"I can't ever remember that dude's name... total heyman to me. "

Avoid using their name by saying "Hey, man..."

John D'oh

After talking for twenty minutes with that John D'Oh, I just gave up and hid in the bathroom.

Heymate

"Heymate, what the fuck did you do with my frenulum!?"

As opposed to the American-English term "Heyman", "Heymate" is more common in the Southern Hemisphere after ripping banjo strings.

Ringxiety

"I've been having crazy ringxiety lately, but I know my phone is in the car..."

Heard it on NPR about this.

Ghost Phone

My ghost phone is blowing up today. If only I had real friends that would call me.

Phantom phonecall

"my phone was blowin up earlier and now i'm getting all these phantom calls on my leg"

amputees get phantom limbs, so it makes sense for it to be a phantom call!

Multiplexting

"My mom brought up weekend plans, which caused us to be multiplexting for a while."

Portmanteau of multiplex and texting.

Crossconvoing

My phone lost connection for a couple of minutes, so when my text was finally send, she had already switched the topic and we started crossconvoing. So annoying!

Dump n dash

"Walking home from lunch at Chipotle, I had to pull an emergency Dump n Dash at Pho Palace"

Because you dump and then you dash

Backdoor Dining

"My toilet's broken so I went to the Italian for some backdoor dining."

Dirty Tip

"I don't want anyone at work to know how smelly my poops are so I left a dirty tip at the Pizza Hut."

You're essentially leaving a present, except its a dirty one…

Brocabulary

Ever since Mike and I started working together, he's got me saying "Totes for defs" with him, so I guess that's just a part of our brocabulary now.

vocabulitis

Every time John goes surfing he gets an acute case of vocabulitis.

Wordopt

"I've been hanging out with you too much, I've starting wordopting your lines!"
"I'm getting a bad case of wordoption from you."

Portmanteau of "word" and "adopt".

Tabnesia

Wait, do I have tabnesia or didn't I just close this?

reddit

I got bored of reddit so I opened another tab of reddit.

backtabbing

"Gosh, I was so bored yesterday I kept backtabbing to reddit."

why not my word?

Fridgefull thinking

I checked again for some ice cream, but the fridge still only contained green peas and broccoli, I guess it was just fridgefull thinking.

Fatnesia

I keep checking the fridge for food. I think I have a case of fatnesia

Fridge Dementia

"Minute after minute, hour after hour, I'll gaze into my fridge and only see milk that's gone sour. Fridge Dementia has me hoping a ready made buffet will be in it."

Fridge Dementia is the perfect faux medical term for this particular situation.

Nutterstanding

Oh shit! He just got kicked in the balls. I totally nutterstand.

Sympathy Scrote

"Saw this guy get whacked in the knackers. I had sympathy scrote for ages afterwards!"

It's a play on sympathy pains.

Shocknutted

Man, Jamie got kicked in the nuts I was so shocknutted I almost puked.

Mimeclimb

"Ah ha, I just totally mimeclimbed the stairs"

Troll Stomp

Holy crap, I was so high I thought the stairs kept going and came up troll stomping!

Cleese-step

"Jenkins took a cleese-step at the top of the escalator and crashed into shop window."

The Ministry of Silly Walks approves of this.

stallmate

I got into a stallmate with the guy pooping next to me. I got so frustrated I just ended up leaving.

Shituation

I see we have arrived at a shituation

Mexican poop-off

I was just about to take a dump when Jerry went into the stall next to me, forcing us into a mexican poop-off!